Wednesday, 31 December 2014

What's in a year

2014 has been both uncomfortably long and stupidly short. I always find it amazing how that can happen. Certain periods seemed to last forever, like the summer wait for exam results, and yet the time up to exams seemed to go in an instant (leaving me feeling rather under prepared).

I'm kind of astounded by all the things I've done this year, and yet equally somewhat disappointed that I didn't do more, as ever. In all honesty, I don't really remember the first few months of this year, and I'm pretty sure it's because they were rubbish and so I've blocked them from my memory. I think I was bummed out with school, somewhere I've always hated, and I was also being put under far too much pressure (story of my life).

By the time we got to March, things seemed to improve a little more, and I think I began to ignore all of the people who wanted far too much from me and decided to just enjoy myself a little. March was actually the most productive month I'd had with blogging so far at that point in time, and I think that was when I kind of fell in love with it. I got to meet the lovely Pixie Lott at a single signing, I went to the zoo with a bunch of my friends, and I also saw The Wanted on their last tour. It was just a month when I actually felt quite content for a little while. I was doing things and kind of learning more about myself.

Obviously nothing can stay good forever, and by April the pressure to do well in my studies was back. I only actually had two remotely encouraging teachers in year 13; one of them was really lovely but just didn't really seem to get me and understand everything, but the other was a complete blessing and one of the nicest men I've ever met. He actually made me believe in myself a little bit, rather than constantly tearing me down and telling me I could do better. I did do a few fun things in April, like seeing McBusted (who I'm actually seeing again in 2015) and celebrating my 18th birthday, but other than that it was literally all revision. May was spent in exactly the same way, with the only good thing that happened being that the only topic I really understood came up in my history retake (woooo).

June was quite dull too, although it did mean the end of exams, which is not something to complain about. However, the end of exams meant that the two month+ wait for results began, and there was no longer anything I could do to improve my chances of getting into UoB. However, I think June was when I really started to get into music blogging; I'd done a couple of posts on music before, like gigs and talking about an album or two, but June/July was when I realised just how much I loved writing about the thing that I loved the most. I did a little post on one of my favourite bands, The Icarus Account and wrote about Ed Sheeran's x, before writing about a lot more music in July and August. It always feels so personal for me to write or talk about music, because it genuinely means the world to me and I would not function well without it, so I think initially I was kind of reluctant to post what I'd written, because it was everything. But I fell in love with writing about it in the same way I fell in love with listening to it, many, many years ago. And it just started to feel natural. Because it was.

The second half of August and most of September were kind of a blur, I got accepted into my first choice of university in the middle of August, and from then on I actually had to start getting my life together, packing and getting ready to leave home. And leaving home is probably one of the best things I've ever done, so much so that 'home' doesn't really feel all that much like home anymore, but neither does Birmingham, so I'm not really sure if I belong anywhere these days haha. I didn't really address me leaving home on my blog until I'd been gone for a month or so, because I just wasn't sure if I felt completely comfortable with it yet, but then I mentioned my change of location on here, and I think that's when it became more real to me, and I started to loosen up more and make the most of where I was and what I was doing there.

(this may well be my favourite picture ever)

The rest of the year's been me working hard and just trying to enjoy myself. And it hasn't gone too badly really. A lot of people tend to enjoy the beginning of the year the most, as they're following new years' resolutions and bettering themselves, but for me it really seems to be the opposite way around. I think it just takes me a while to get used to anything new, but I've started to learn to just embrace everything and make the most of it. And that's what I hope to do next year too:
Keep on discovering myself and everything I love.
Fall even deeper in love with the sounds that make everything worthwhile.
Make more time to read for inspiration rather than just for my course.
Work as hard as ever.
Don't let the pressures of others take over my mind again.
Remember that at the end of the day, this is my life, and I'm going to make what I want of it.

Tonight I'm going to be having fun with my friends, and then tomorrow afternoon I'll be catching up with my family to celebrate my Grandad's birthday.

I hope that everyone has a great time this evening with their loved ones, and that all your plans for the new year come together perfectly.

Until next time.

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Twitter: @abbielour
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