Monday, 14 August 2017

Exiting the Comfort Zone

Guess what.


Chopped ma hair off lads.

Believe it or not, my hair has always - minus the one occasion when it was first growing when I was a baby - been long. And I mean lower back long, so this is kind of a big deal.

Honestly, I've been wanting to cut it off for years, as I'd grown sick and tired of looking after it and forking out a load of money on conditioner every month. But I think for me it does resemble more than just me having had enough of the hassle. It feels like I've just given away my security blanket for the first time, and I thought that I would feel awful and absolutely hate it and immediately feel like I'd made the wrong decision. But I am so, so happy with it.

I think me cutting my hair off shows how confident I've grown over the past few years. In a way, I used to hide behind my hair and just be that girl who's quite quiet but has pretty hair. Now I'm a little louder, a little prouder, and a little happier with who I am as a person. Cutting it off feels symbolic of that; I don't feel like I need to hide behind it anymore, because I like who I am. And it was pretty momentous when I realised all this. So much so, that I decided to donate my hair to a charity, in order to pass my safety blanket on to someone else who really feels they need it right now.

In the end, I donated a foot long plait of hair, so loose it would be somewhere between 12 and 14 inches in length. I sent it off to the Little Princess Trust, who use donated hair to make wigs for children who have had to undergo cancer treatment and have lost their hair as a result. It was important to me to give my hair to someone else, as, like I've mentioned, I always felt I needed my hair to feel comfortable in myself, and I understand that some of the children who receive wigs will also feel this way. And I hope that it helps them grow in confidence, until the point that they too no longer feel they need it.

I absolutely love how it looks short and I feel so happy whenever I glance at my hair in a shop window. And I feel even more like myself having let it go.

Until next time.


Social media/contacts:
Instagram: abbielour
Twitter: abbielour
Email: abbielour18@gmail.com

Tuesday, 8 August 2017

I joined the gym


About time really.

I've actually been planning on joining the gym for about two years, but either never got round to it or felt it was an unnecessary expense. In some ways I still think it is (it's vvv expensive), but it's something I've been hoping to do for ages and am finally in a position to do.

Honestly, I'm really enjoying it. I think it's always a bit nerve-wracking trying something new or going somewhere you aren't comfortable and where you don't know anything. That's probably the main reason I've been putting it off. Comfort zones are both wonderful and incredibly restraining things. I feel like I haven't been letting myself get comfortable with exercise because I've had anxiety regarding the gym. It's all the standard stuff: I'll look like an idiot, people will judge me for not knowing what I'm doing, they'll judge my body etc, etc. But I finally had a breakthrough and realised, if this is something that I would like to do for myself, I need to do it and try my hardest to push those feelings aside. And I'm halfway there with that.

I'm now really comfortable with going to the gym. But I am still yet to gain the courage to use the weights room. It is intimidating. There are always men in there seeming like they own the place. And it's been making me not want to try out the equipment and get to grips with it. I think this is actually something a lot of women feel in regards to the gym: you become really happy with the cardio side, but the weights become daunting, not because of your own physical strength and ability, but because of the people you know will be around you.

Obviously, this shouldn't be the case, and I shouldn't, we shouldn't, feel this way. It is however a sad reality. I wanted to talk about it here just to get my thoughts and feelings out. And I've decided that August is the month that I'm going to start using the weights room. If, by the end of the month, I'm just using one piece of the weights equipment, that will be a success for me. I'd really like to achieve this goal, mostly just because as much as you can tone your legs a bit with cardio, it's not really easy to do that for your arms.

Hopefully by the end of the month I'll have found the courage (and found the gym during a quiet period) to test some of the weights machines out. That's my small and achievable goal for this month.


Until next time.


Social media/contacts:
Instagram: abbielour
Twitter: @abbielour
Email: abbielour18@gmail.com