Wednesday, 8 August 2018

Thinking about the future

It hit me the other day that two of my best friends are marrying each other in less than two weeks. That some of my old friends from school are already married or are getting engaged and planning the rest of their lives. And I'm just not there.

There's something rather bittersweet about seeing your friends moving forward with their lives whilst you're very stagnant. I feel a little left behind and like I'm not progressing through life as quickly as I should be. But equally I know that I don't want what they've got now, right now. I am not ready to have anyone dependent on me - dependent on me for love, or happiness, or life (I know a lot of my friends are already wanting kids). I'm not there and I'm good with that, and yet because I'm not in that mindset I do feel inadequate.

It's such a silly thing, because I'm not one to dwell, or to compare myself to others, but I do feel behind. I don't know if that's necessarily a personal feeling, or if it's based on the things people say - you know when someone says how happy they are that they've done such and such, and then they'll be like don't worry you'll get there soon!! No thanks, hun. I don't want it. And I think I just need to stand up and say it. I don't want what you want. I don't want what you have. It's not bitter, it's not resentful; it's just having different desires. It's having different things that make you happy, and different things that make you enjoy life.

I read something the other day about time stamps and how people have age dependent goals for their lives. I can honestly say I've never had that for anything, and looking at how my friends who think this way about what they're doing and what they're achieving, I could not be more glad. They act like they're running out of time, and it means they're going for the wrong people, they're not being young whilst they can, they're so focused that they ignore all the other wonderful things life has to offer. It shouldn't matter what age you are or if you attain these 'life goals' within certain time scales. I think if you live like that you'll never be truly happy, you'll just be looking ahead to what you have to achieve next and how little time you've got left to do it.

So no, I don't want my own house but the time I'm 25; I don't want to be married by the time I'm 28; I don't want two kids and a dog by the time I'm 32 (okay, the dog part I do kind of want). I don't see the point in limiting yourself to your age. Age truly is just a number and you don't need to do anything by any certain age. You need to learn to love the journey to all the things you want, whenever they end up happening for you. Or you'll end up bitter and unsatisfied. And that's not a life I want to live.

I'm not in a rush.

Until next time.

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